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Le! (Smile!)

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sverige är fantastiskt

Beautiful Sweden!

Aug 12
Moved to our new home in Sweden. It is so beautiful here. The mountains and lakes are so majestic. Can hardly wait to see them with snow covering them. I love it here.

Oct 14
Sweden must be the most beautiful place on Earth. The leaves have turned all the colours and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride in the mountains and saw some deer. They are so graceful, they have got to be the most wonderful animals on Earth. This must be paradise. I love it here.

Nov 11
The deer hunting season starts soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous creature. I hope it will snow soon. I love it here.

Nov 12
It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed with white. It looks like a picture postcard. We all went outside and cleaned off the steps and shovelled the driveway. We then had a snowball fight (I won) and when the snowplough came by, we had to shovel the driveway again - ho hum!! What a beautiful place. I simply love it here.

Dec 8
More snow again last night. I love it. The snowplough man did his trick again to the driveway. I love it here.

Dec 19
Yet more snow last night - must have had about 23 different types ! Couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work. I'm exhausted from shovelling snow. Damn snowplough.

Dec 22
More of that damn white shit fell last night. I ' ve got blisters on my hands from shovelling. I think that the snowplough hides just round the bend and waits until I've done shovelling the driveway. Asshole!

Dec 25
Merry fucking Christmas! More bloody snow. If I ever get my hands on that bastard who drives the snowplough I swear I'll kill the bastard. I don't know why they don't use more salt on the roads to melt the fucking ice.

Dec 27
I don't believe it - more white shit last night. We've been inside for three days now except for when we are shovelling out the driveway after the snowplough goes through everytime. Can't go anywhere, the car is buried under a mountain of white shit. The weatherman says we are to expect another 30 cm of the shit again tonight. Do you have any idea of how many shovels full of snow that is?

Dec 28
Fucking weatherman! How wrong can you get? We got 90 cm of that white shit this time. At this rate it won't melt before next summer. The snowplough got stuck up the road and the bastard came to the door and asked if he could borrow my shovel! Fucking nerve of the man!!! After I told him I had broken six shovels already shovelling all that shit he pushed into my driveway, I broke my last one over his fucking head. Ha, Ha!

Jan 4
Finally got out of the house today. We went to the store to get food and another snow shovel and on the way back a damned deer ran in front of the car and I hit it. Did about SEK 5000 of damage to the car. Those fucking beasts should be killed, they're a bloody menace. I wish the hunters had killed them all last November.

May 3
Took the car to the local garage for a service. Would you believe the thing is rusting out from all that fucking salt they put on the roads.

May 10
Moved to Spain. I can't imagine why anyone in their right minds would want to live in bloody Sweden.

int' vet man hur kvinnor vill ha de'

Pekka flyttade till Sverige och försökte anpassa sig i det svenska samhället. Han började gå i kyrkan på söndagarna. En måndag kom han till jobbet med en riktig blåtira över ena ögat! Jobbarkompisen Jocke frågar förvånat:

- Vad i all världen har hänt?

- Joo, du vet när jag var i kyrkan igår så skulle vi ställa oss upp och sjunga en psalm. Framför mig reste sig en vacker äldre dam upp och då såg jag att kjolen åkt in i ändan på henne. Jag tänkte att så ville hon nog inte ha det så jag böjde mig fram och drog ut kjolen. Då vände hon sig om och klappade till mig!

Nästa måndag kom Pekka till jobbet med en ännu större blåtira på andra ögat plus en fläskläpp!

- Vad är det nu då?!!

- Joo du vet, jag var i kyrkan igår och samma dam satt i raden framför mig igen. När alla reste sig för att sjunga så hade kjolen smugit sig sig in i ändan på henne igen.

- Och du tog ut den??

- Nä, hennes man stod tydligen bredvid henne och fick se det hela så han drog ut den

- ??

- Men jag visste ju att hon inte ville ha det så, så jag stoppade in kjolen igen!!!

kommunikation är inte det lättaste

A construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs a handsaw. He sees another man on the 1st floor. He yells down to him, but he can't hear, so he does a sign language.

To do sign language, the man on the 3rd flor points at his eye meaning "I", points at his knee meaning "need", and moves his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion.

The man on the 1st floor nods his head, pulls down his pants and starts masturbating.

The man on the 3rd floor gets so angry he runs down to the 1st floor and says, "What the heck is wrong with you, dumb ass? I said I need a handsaw!".

The other man says, "I knew that, I was just trying to tell you I'm coming."


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